You’ve been wondering haven’t you? Go on, you were just a little bit curious about this week’s embargo given the previous week was the huge announcement about Sir Ian McKellen coming to the Marine.

Anyway, remember that hunch I had, the one about the weather? I predicted from mid November we were in for a cold spell and it would be the start of an Arctic blast that would last until the end of February. Well all bets are now off because the temperature has been dropping and with an easterly wind, things are getting a bit chilly. You mark my words, we’ll have a white Christmas for the first time in donkey’s years and if you were hereabouts in March this year and caught out by the massive snowfall we had in Lyme Regis, you might want to start preparing now. Buy your snow chains, shovels, warm blankets and snow boots; also sweet talk your farmer friends with tractors and 4×4’s and make sure (unlike me last March) you know where your towing eye is.

I saw two teenagers wade into the choppy waters

I’ll be interested to see if the hardy souls who I see each morning on their return from taking a daily dip in the sea will continue to do so if they have to shuffle through knee deep banks of the white stuff. I know one or two of them have relented and now wear dry suits but even so, I take my hat off to them; I thought I was brave enough going in for a quick dip in October. Talking of which, I was convinced I was going to have to call the emergency services on Sunday for two hypothermia victims when I saw two teenagers wade into the choppy waters with nothing but trunks and a bikini on…the boy in trunks, the girl in bikini obvs. Clearly they are made of sterner stuff than I.

Do you suffer from sleepless nights? It’s a nightmare isn’t it, quite literally. After counting the sheep jumping over the hedge, the sheep dog, shepherd, shepherdess and finally the number of leaves on each branch of the damn hedge, I gave up and just lay there waiting for the alarm to go off. Apparently there’s a brilliant meditation app that insomniacs swear by. Trouble is I’m so tired in the evening I don’t have the energy to find it to download (or maybe you upload meditative apps in a floaty spiritual way). I invested in a Marks & Spencer eye roll-on thing my hairdresser recommended to me to de-puff my tired puffy eyes. It was an eye-watering £25 for a very small phial of the stuff and after trying to roller my orbits (according to Dr Google that’s what the area under your eyes is called) and discovering the elixir wasn’t actually managing to escape the bottle due to the tight fitting of the roller-ball and I was actually giving myself black orbits as I pressed a bit too hard in an effort to make the thing work, I’ve given up on the whole idea and will be returning it to M&S. Perhaps I’ll put the refund towards a good quality whiskey instead.

I tried to set up and interview with Hermione

We have a special event coming up on Sunday 25 November; a fundraiser for the Dorset Women’s Refuge with special guest Hermione Norris. I tried to set up an interview with Hermione when I lived in the same Dorset village. I asked the lady I was interviewing at the time (about her puppy guide dog training) if she could ask Hermione to contact me. I was warned she was a very private person and unlikely to agree. Turns out this was true and I didn’t get my interview. Oliver Letwin who lived (and still lives) in the same village was my backstop for that particular commission.

So then, about that other embargo. I went along to the council chamber on Wednesday night to give my 3 minute pitch to the members trying to persuade them to let us paint ‘Marine Theatre’ above the archway that leads to our front door. We thought it would help people find us. I was quietly confident that with my eloquent oratory skills, dead cool outfit and moral support from a dedicated theatre volunteer that I would win them over…but at least they’ve said we can have some finger signs directing people, I just have to hope they are attached to some big waving hands so we can be sure everyone who doesn’t know about us soon will.

I have another hush-hush event coming up this week, it’s not as big as Sir Ian or in need of my eloquence and poise but I’ll be needing some cool sunglasses to go with the it, perfect for hiding dark circled puffy eyes.

Hyperthermia, counting sheep and a non-rolling roller-ball eye de-puffer from M&S

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